Un dia gris y oscuro

Hoy, es uno de esos dias en que me gustaria desaparecer del mundo por un momento, estar sola y reflexionar. Me gustaria perderme entre la multitud donde nadie me conoce, donde pueda hacer todo sin que nadie me recrimine nada... Sola por un momento, alejarme de todos y de todo...

So happy together... :)

Dear princess,

I know we are too young but I want you to know that i love you. I hope that the time and fate will be kind to us. I will try to make you smile every now and then..

Love,Shin.

All I hear is raindrops, falling on the rooftop..

 When I am with you, I try to talk to you, but sometimes I don't know what to say so I keep blabbing all day long. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how i feel like how i miss you and how i love you despite everything, how i need you when I am down, how I want to see you everyday but I am afraid you don't want me to see.  And especially how much I want you.. But those words may forever stay in my heart locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too.. but I guess I'll never know.

I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one i want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, 'cause you're the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow whenever I'm down and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other, for those were some of the best times of my life.

 

 FOOTNOTE: Will I ever fly with you again?

And now it hits me

Hear my thoughts:
 

I know the feeling of investing so much on something and then when you get to the final step, when you think you’re happy and you lose, it feels like you just feel over all the steps you took just to get there.

Just when i was already starting to trust you, just when i was about to get drowned by my foolishness, just when i was about to be blinded by your sweetness, you suddenly revealed the real you.

Time has elapsed so fast that I wasn’t able to even catch up on my own self. Yes, I had moments when I asked myself “what the hell is happening?” But I just let them pass and move on with whatever I was doing at that time. So here I am, taking things slow ( oh, it took me too much time to learn how to do this)

I don’t know if I am on the stage of denial or something, maybe im just afraid to feel the pain again. Last night I finally found myself crying? Nah I was not crying, I prefer to call it “luha”. It wasn’t a bad thing after all. Actually, it made me realize that I’m still human, I still have feelings, that I still have tears and im not that invincible. But those tears weren’t for anyone but myself. maybe I just needed someone who would treat me special, who would appreciate the whole me and treat me like im such a precious being and not trash.

Im well aware that I’ve been playing with fire at least that’s what I kept on telling myself. but I’m new in that kind of game and it did hurt, not too much but it did hurt.. maybe the only mistake I made was I played with someone who has been in the game for so long and it was me who is suffering in the end. Life is indeed unfair. But I can still say I was really happy at that time..

But I did my best. I know I did. But I guess we are not just meant to be. It sucks because we are good friends, and I do love you so much and now I don’t know what to do.. It seems like you were just making a fool of me. I don’t know the reason why, and to be honest I don’t want to know it.

Well I guess, all I have to do is wait for you to realize your true intentions so that we can move on and build a better friendship instead.

As boston says, I think I just tired.. I need a sunrise, I’m tired of sunset..

Footnote: I’m now letting you go, be happy, find yourself and find your girl. Maybe, she has the keys of your attic. And if one day you find yourself alone, and you realize that the building became square.. that will be the right time for us.. (as I said.. if that day comes)

Que sera, sera.. whatever will be, will be..

Letting go is never easy

It is really hard to decide what to do with a relationship with someone once you have loved. I'm in a crossroad once again. I'm in a dilemma,there’s a lot of questions running through my mind .. Can I reroute the course that I have taken and  start all over again? Can I put aside my feelings,  and pretend that nothing happened? When in fact all I want is to be real with myself, with the person I used to love..but  now all I feel for him is affection.

How do I walk away from someone I loved and take the road of friend? Can I really do that? Nah, I can’t. I don’t really want to let him go, but I don’t know what to do.. Whenever I saw this huge question mark in my mind, I always look at our pictures,memories.. We have shared so much together,laughter,fun times, tears… Yet sometimes we can’t turn back time. And now I don’t know If I should walk away and allow ourselves to heal. My mind says stay but it’s my heart I must trust.

All I’ve wanted is to build a stable relationship with someone, all I want is to be loved, to be respected… but now I’ve realized that I cannot find stability in my love life if I am not emotionally stable, if I am not honest  with myself about the feelings,beliefs,doubts and hurts of my life. I cant even take responsibility and ownership for my past life and mistakes so I blame others.

I know one day we will be happy and our soul mate we will find. I know we each have one.. out there. Even if for now..only in our minds. May life be gentle with us, may God’s best come our way..

For now ,all I can do is to give my best shot, to make this relationship work  until I find the right answer, the right one, not only for us but for me as well.

The art of forgiving one another

It's been a long time since i attended the holy mass ..and the last gospel i heard was about forgiving one another..Forgiving someone for a hurt is not easy. A desire for revenge comes more naturally, specially for me. I'm not that kind of person who can forgive easily..

In Luke 17:3-4 Jesus says, “I am warning you! If another believer sins, rebuke him; then if he repents, forgive him. Even if he wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, forgive him"

"forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you."

I too am in need of forgiveness. If God did not withhold his forgiveness from me, why should I withhold my forgiveness from another?

So here I am.. To all those i've hurt, I am now asking for your forgiveness and to all those who have hurt me, I am now forgiving you so I can set my heart free of anger,bitterness,resentment and hurt that previously imprisoned me.

Footnote: I wrote this note a year ago.Like I said it's just a note.How I wish I can forgive everyone from everything.. Oh my God, how I really wish...

Here's your bonus video:

Did you ever fall in love?

I'm not in love. Falling in love is horrible, isn't it? It makes me so vulnerable. It opens my chest and it opens up my heart and it means that someone can get inside me and mess me up. I build all these defenses, I build up a whole suit of armor, I build an unbreakable wall so that nothing can hurt me, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid guy, wanders into my stupid life.. I give him a piece of me, though he didn't ask for it. He did something dumb one day, like kiss me or smile at me..oh I still remember that day.. and then my life isn't my own anymore.

You're all smiles and silly conversation
As if this sunny day came just for you
You twist your hair, you smile, and you turn your eyes away
C'mon, tell me what's right with you
Now it dawns on me probably everybody's talkin'
And there's something here I'm supposed to realize
‘Cause your secret's out, and the universe laughs at its joke on me
I just caught it in your eyes, it's a beautiful surprise

When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
‘Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Make your way over here, sit down by this fool, and let's rewind
C'mon, let's go back and replay all our scenes
You can point out the hints, the clues, the twists and the smiles this time
All the ones that slipped by me
I bet my face is red, and you can hear my heart poundin'
Well I guess it don't matter now that I realize
‘Cause baby I missed it then, but I can surely see you now
Right here before my eyes
You're my beautiful surprise

When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
‘Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Was it at the coffee shop
Or that morning at the bus stop
When you almost slipped, and I caught your hand
Or the time we built the snowman
The day at the beach, sandy and warm
Or the night with the scary thunderstorm
I never saw the signs
Now we've got to make up for lost time
And I can tell now by the way that you're looking at me
I'd better finish this song so my lips will be free

Have you been waiting long, when did you fall in love
I kept you waiting so long, when did you fall
Have you been waiting long
When did you fall in love with me
When did you fall in love?

Cochinillos al poder!

El fin de semana hice un "mini" viaje. Me fui a un pueblo de Castilla y Leon. Nunca habia estado antes, y la verdad, no tiene nada que ver con las grandes ciudades  como Barcelona, Madrid, Valencia donde la gente va muy estresada corriendo arriba y abajo, pegandose empujones por subir en el metro y todas esas cosas que a todos nos estresan y nos ponen de mal humor sobretodo si es Lunes.

San Lorenzo, un pequeño pueblo perdido en la Comunidad Autonoma de Castilla y Leon. No creo que tenga mas de 1000 habitantes, porque recorrimos todo el pueblo en menos de 5 horas. La mayoria eran abuelos, por lo que vi no habia mucho movimiento, ni tampoco mucha juerga. La mayoria de edicicios permanecian intactas, tal como era en el S. XV creo.
Calles al estilo romanico, comercios pequeños, pero no te creas habia Bershka y Pull and Bear en una de las calles principales.

La gente muy tranquila, habian un par de turistas como yo, ah! y como no tambien vi japoneses. Estos vecinos mios asiaticos estan en todas partes!

Eran las fiestas de San Lorenzo,mis amigas del trabajo y yo  fuimos expresamente hasta alli para ir a ver estas fiestas. Todo iba bien. Cogimos el tren a primera hora, llegamos al hotel, descansamos un par de horas. Nuestro plan era, comer como lobas, ver la corrida de todos y al final del dia quedarnos para ver los fuegos artificiales.

Todo quedo en un segundo plano, cuando a mi me dio un dolor de estomago por la mañana despues de comer cochinillo. No habia ni una farmacia abierta. Se ve que cerraban para hacer la siesta! Y la farmacia de guardia se encontraba en otro pueblo en El Carmen a 20 minutos en coche! Ojala hicieramos lo mismo en Barcelona. Asi que mientras mis amigas se iban al pueblo a divertirse yo me quede en la habitacion retorciendome de dolor hasta quedarme dormida por completo.


No se cuanto rato paso cuando  desperte pero ya era tarde, era la hora de cenar! Desperdicie un dia entero en la cama!! Creo que pase mas tiempo en la cama que paseando por las calles de San Lorenzo. Maldito dolor de estomago!  Para la proxima vez me llevare, un Almax e Ibuprofenos a saco, no sea que no hayan farmacias abiertas.


Tengo planes de hacer el Camino de Santiago. Alguien lo ha hecho? Algun consejo?

Despierta!! Abre los ojos!!

Solia escuchar esta cancion antes de dormir.. Asi que aqui la teneis! Para aquellos cegatos o prefieren hacer la vista gorda!! Para los que no quieren ver la realidad o simplemente pasan de largo.. Despierta o se te va a pasar el arroz!!



Take time to realize,
That your worth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.


But I can't spell it out for you,
No, it's never gonna be that simple
But I can't spell it out for you.
If you just realized what I've just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.


Take time to realize
I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
That this all can pass by
Didn't I tell you.


But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
But I can't spell it out for you.


If you just realized what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'd never find another
Just realized what I've just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other but.


It's not that the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you'd meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.


If you just realize what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder now.


Just realized what I just realized
If you just realize what I just realized.


Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now


Realize,realize
Realize,realize.


Realize by Colbie Caillat

It whets your appetite with a taste of success!

Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but non about his or her own.

......................................

Killing Time

Tuesday, 06th of July 2010
15:08 h

Now I'm sitting here, doing nothing actually. Just killing time before I go to the gym to burn fats, fats and more fats.

-,-,-,-,

Ang init init ng panahon ngayon, nakakatamad kumilos, wala nga akong gana kumain dahil sa sobrang init!! Pero gusto ko  ng halo-halo ng Chowking o kaya'y mag palamig sa Rockwell, MOA, Megamall o kung saan man mall na malapit lang sa bahay. Ang sarap din siguro mag swimming ngayon o kaya ay mag punta sa beach sa Bora, Palawan,Davao,Pagudpud,Caramoan at kung saan saan beach na magaganda sa Pilipinas.

-,-,-,-,

Buong araw na yata akong nag daydreaming, dahil sa hindi ako makatulog. Kahit sa gabi ay nag "nnightdreaming" naman ako lol. Ang tagal ko na din hindi nararamdaman tong sakit ng tyan na hindi mawala wala, parang may kumukurot sa sikmura ko,hindi ako mapakali. Eh sa wala naman akong dahilan para magkaganito.. Ah, ewan!!

-,-,-,-,

Ang dami kong hinihintay ngayon araw na to, dumating na si mama para matapos nya nang maluto ang masarap naming lunch, hinihintay ko din matapos ma dl yung song na ni recommend ng isang kaibigan, at naghihintay ng sagot.

Oh well, wala talaga ako magawa :D  

THE ART OF SEDUCTION

They say I'm the charmer ...
Which seducer are you?
1-THE SIREN

A man is often secretly oppressed by the role he has to play-by always having to be responsible, in control, and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because she offers a total release from the limitations of his life. In her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to a world of pure pleasure. She is dangerous, and in pursuing her energetically the man can lose control over himself, something he yearns to do. The Siren is a mirage; she lures men by cultivating a particular appearance and manner. In a world where women are often too timid to project such an image, learn to take control of the male libido by embodying his fantasy.

2-THE RAKE

A woman never quite feels desired and appreciated enough. She wants attention, but a man is too often distracted and unresponsive. The Rake is a great female fantasy-figure-when he desires a woman, brief though that moment may be, he will go to the ends of the earth for her. He may be disloyal, dishonest, and amoral, but that only adds to his appeal. Unlike the normal, cautious male, the Rake is delightfully unrestrained, a slave to his love of women. There is the added lure of his reputation: so many women have succumbed to him, there has to be a reason. Words are a woman's weakness, and the Rake is a master of seductive language. Stir a woman's repressed longings by adapting the Rake's mix of danger and pleasure.

3-THE IDEAL LOVER

Most people have dreams in their youth that get shattered or worn down with age. They find themselves disappointed by people, events, reality, which cannot match their youthful ideals. Ideal Lovers thrive on people's broken dreams, which become lifelong fantasies. You long for romance? Adventure? Lofty spiritual communion? The Ideal Lover reflects your fantasy. He or she is an artist in creating the illusion you require, idealizing your portrait. In a world of disenchantment and baseness, there is limitless seductive power in following the path of the Ideal Lover.

4-THE DANDY

Most of us feel trapped within the limited roles that the world expects us to play. We are instantly attracted to those who are more fluid, more ambiguous, than we are-those who create their own persona. Dandies excite us because they cannot be categorized, and hint at a freedom we want for ourselves. They play with masculinity and femininity; they create their own physical image, which is always startling; they are mysterious and elusive. They also appeal to the narcissism of each sex: to a woman they are psychologically female, to a man they are male. Dandies fascinate and seduce in large numbers. Use the power of the Dandy to create an ambiguous, alluring presence that stirs repressed desires.

5-THE NATURAL

Childhood is the golden paradise we are always consciously or unconsciously trying to re-create. The Natural embodies the longed-for qualities of childhood-spontaneity, sincerity, unpretentiousness. In the presence of Naturals, we feel at ease, caught up in their playful spirit, transported back to that golden age. Naturals also make a virtue out of weakness, eliciting our sympathy for their trials, making us want to protect them and help them. As with a child, much of this is natural, but some of it is exaggerated, a conscious seductive maneuver. Adopt the pose of the Natural to neutralize people's natural defensiveness and infect them with helpless delight.

6-THE COQUETTE

The ability to delay satisfaction is the ultimate art of seduction-while waiting, the victim is held in thrall. Coquettes are the grand masters of this game, orchestrating a back-and-forth movement between hope and frustration. They bait with the promise of reward-the hope of physical pleasure, happiness, fame by association, power-which, however, proves elusive; yet this only makes their targets pursue them the more. Coquettes seem totally self-sufficient: they do not need you, they seem to say, and their narcissism proves devilishly attractive. You want to conquer them but they hold the cards. The strategy of the Coquette is never to offer total satisfaction. Imitate the alternating heat and coolness of the Coquette and you will keep the seduced at your heels.

7-THE CHARMER

Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators, masking their cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their method is simple: they deflect attention from themselves and focus it on their target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods. In the presence of a Charmer you feel better about yourself. Charmers do not argue or fight, complain or pester-what could be more seductive? By drawing you in with their indulgence they make you dependent on them, and their power grows. Learn to cast the Charmer's spell by aiming at people's primary weaknesses: vanity and self-esteem.

8-THE CHARISMATIC

Charisma is a presence that excites us. It comes from an inner quality-self-confidence, sexual energy, sense of purpose, contentment-that most people lack and want. This quality radiates outward, permeating the gestures of Charismatics, making them seem extraordinary and superior, and making us imagine there is more to them than meets the eye: they are gods, saints, stars. Charismatics can learn to heighten their charisma with a piercing gaze, fiery oratory, an air of mystery. They can seduce on a grand scale. Learn to create the charismatic illusion by radiating intensity while remaining detached.

9-THE STAR

Daily life is harsh, and most of us constantly seek escape from it in fantasies and dreams. Stars feed on this weakness; standing out from others through a distinctive and appealing style, they make us want to watch them. At the same time, they are vague and ethereal, keeping their distance, and letting us imagine more than is there. Their dreamlike quality works on our unconscious; we are not even aware how much we imitate them. Learn to become an object of fascination by projecting the glittering but elusive presence of the Star.

10-THE ANTI-SEDUCER

Seducers draw you in by the focused, individualized attention they pay to you. Anti-Seducers are the opposite: insecure, self-absorbed, and unable to grasp the psychology of another person, they literally repel. Anti-Seducers have no self-awareness, and never realize when they are pestering, imposing, talking too much. They lack the subtlety to create the promise of pleasure that seduction requires. Root out anti-seductive qualities in yourself, and recognize them in others-there is no pleasure or profit in dealing with the Anti-Seducer.
THE SEDUCER'S VICTIMS- THE EIGHTEEN TYPES

The people around you are all potential victims of a seduction, but first you must know what type of victim you are dealing with. Victims are categorized by what they feel they are missing in life-adventure, attention, romance, a naughty experience, mental or physical stimulation, etc. Once you identify their type, you have the necessary ingredients for a seduction: you will be the one to give them what they lack, and cannot get on their own. In studying potential victims, learn to see the reality behind the appearance. A timid person may yearn to play the star; a prude may long for a transgressive thrill. Never try to seduce your own type.

I miss...interpret

Madaming kabataang Pinoy dito sa Europa ang hindi marunong mag Tagalog sa maraming dahilan: dito na pinanganak, walang kaibigan pinoy, hindi sinanay ng mga magulang magsalita ng sariling wika o minsan naman ay mismong nanay at tatay na ang pilit kinalimutan dahil sa "feeling nila" ay sa ganoon paraan mas magiging integrated sila sa bansang tinitirahan.

Madami din sa teenagers ngayon nag dadatingan galing sa Pilipinas, mga binata at dalaga ang karamihan pa ay galing probinsya na dinala sa abroad upang mag aral at magkaroon ng magandang kinabukasan.
Sa eskwelahan kailangan nilang mag adjust sa Spanish at Catalan (dahil asa Barcelona ako :D ) makihalo sa mga teenagers na puti kahit hindi sila nagkakaintindihan, kaya ang iba ay tinamad na mag aral, nagiging tambay at ang mga tanging kaibigan nila ay kapwa pilipino na din.

Meron naman mga kabataan na kahit dito man ipinanganak, dito man lumaki at mga espanyol man ang kaibigan ay hasa parin sa pagsasalita sa wikang Kastila, Tagalog at mismong dialecto ng kanilang probinsya ay alam.

Pag dating naman sa Ingles ay kilala ang Pilipinas na magagaling, English speaking nga daw. Ang dahilan siguro ay katulad dito sa Barcelona na Catalan ang official language na itinuturo sa mga paraalan ganun din sa Pilipinas at dahil na din siguro sa malaking impluwensya ng America sa bansa.

Kaya naman sa karamihan ng trabaho dito sa Espanya lalo na sa sector ng Hosteleria (hotel and restaurant) malaki ang chances ng mga kababayan kong pinoy na matanggap. Una, masipag ang mga ito, mabibilis kumilos at pulido mag trabaho,pangalawa ay dahil malaki ang advantage nila sa mga kastila, nakakaintindi at nakakapag salita ng kahit papaano ng ingles, na malaking tulong sa kumpanya dahil sa Tourist spot ang Barcelona at marami ang mga pumupunta at nag babakasyon dito.


P.S: may nakita akong message galing sa isang kakilala ko at ang sabi... " Bro, I'm sorry I can't uplode your pictures because i have a meating today"

*Bow*

Pilipinas kong mahal

Hindi man ako lumaki sa bansa kung saan galing ang aking mga magulang gustong gusto ko ito laging puntahan.


Tandang tanda ko pa ng asa airport kami habang pababa ng ramp ng NAIA 1 ang unang pumasok sa isip ko ay " Ano to, parang kulungan?!! bakit nasa rehas ang mga tao?! " ang init init pati hangit sobrang init, hindi makahinga ng mabuti dahil sa alikabok na nasasanghap ko galing sa mga sasakyan, isang daan na jeepney, nagkalat na tricycle, may pedicab pa!


Year 2005 pa yun, 2 weeks pa lang ako sa Pilipinas gusto ko na Bumalik sa abroad, hindi ako sanay halos maiyak iyak ako dahil sa walang kakilala, walang kaibigan, walang makausap. Pero habang nagtatagal natuto akong makipag kaibigan, maging open sa mga usapin nila na madalas hindi ko maintindihan, mga jokes na hindi ako makasabay nung una ay unti unti kong na "gets" at nakikitawa na din ako. For short IN na ako!


Pilipinas na mahigit pitong libo na isla, magkakaibang dialecto, tradition,pagkain at kung ano ano pa. Sa totoo lang wala pa talaga ako nararating sa Pilipinas, maliban sa ilang mga kilala at sumisikat na isla ngayon dahil sa turismo.

Pilipinas, masasabi kong kahit maalikabok, madumi ang city, madaming sasakyan, sobrang traffic, hindi maganda ang aspalto sa daan, mga ligaw na pusa umaakyat sa bubong ng bahay at nag aaway, basura na naipon.. sa kabila ng lahat masarap uwian ang sariling bansa dahil sa masasarap na pagkain, magagandang white sand beaches, mga cool at astig na gimikan, mga malls na kala mo ay nasa isang european country ka at higit sa lahat masarap uwian ang Pilipinas dahil sa mga naiwan nating mga mahal sa buhay at mga kaibigan (bagong kaibigan ko)


Nangungulila ako sa aking mahal na bansa (tama ba?) :D


Sama ka, biyahe tayo!

"Amicus"

Seguro que tu tienes muchos conocidos ya sean de la calle,del trabajo,de la infancia y amigos familiares. Da gusto tener amigos con quien reir, compartir momentos inolvidables, viajar con ellos, beber hasta no poder, vamos amigos de esos que les llamas " de verdad".


Pero hay momentos en que necesitas una persona que te entienda y te comprenda, que este contigo no solo en los momentos mas felices sino tambien en los momentos mas duros de tu vida. Epocas en que crees que estas al limite de tus capacidades.. y venga este gran amigo tuyo y te diga "nunca te dejare, pase lo que pase.. tu puedes porque yo estare contigo para ayudarte".. Amigos que nunca te piden nada a cambio.. amigos amigos amigos..


Aquel amigo que no necesitas decirle nada porque sabe que te pasa, sabe como piensas en cada reaccion, sabe escucharte sin compadecerse de ti, te cuida, te mima, te quiere, te comprende y confia en ti.


En mi epoca de adolescente, cuando hacia todo lo que queria, estuviera bien o mal, le gustaran a mis padres o no, siempre quise tener ese gran amigo que me dijera "deja de hacer tonterias", "no sigas por ese camino o acabaras mal" pero desafortunadamente nunca lo tuve.


Ahora ya no soy tan niña, ya supe que era lo bueno y lo malo.. pero sigo buscando ese gran amigo con el que siempre soñe. Lo encontrare tarde o temprano o.. quizas el me encuentre?!


Y tu, tienes tu gran amigo?